The Difference Between and A Spirit-filled Spouse and A Carnal Spouse

(As It Relates to Love and Respect-Ephesians 5:33)

Love and Respect are two of the greatest needs for the husband and wife. The husband is energized by respect, coupled with love, and the wife is energized by love, coupled with respect. Marriage is a wonderful plan from God, and it should never be taken lightly, but of course, it is also challenging. Nevertheless, our God has given us everything we need for success. It is important that we live our lives with an attitude of seeking spiritual growth so that Christ, the one who died for us, may be glorified and honored. My friend, this special information is not for condemnation, but observation for transformation, coupled with prayer, patience, and walking in love.


  • A spirit-filled husband will love and lead his wife (Ephesians 5:25); a carnal husband will rule or dominate his wife.
  • A spirit-filled husband will compliment (praise/flatter) and encourage his wife; a carnal husband will tear down or depreciate his wife (Ephesians 4:32).
  • A spirit-filled husband will complement (fulfill/please) his wife; a carnal husband will compete with his wife (1 Corinthians 7:33).


  • A spirit-filled wife will esteem and empower her husband; a carnal wife will devour/belittle her husband (Galatians 5:15).
  • A spirit-filled wife will submit or come under her husband’s leadership; a carnal wife will dominate her husband (Ephesians 5:24).
  • A spirit-filled wife will complement (fulfill/please) her husband; a carnal wife will compete with her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34).

, ,

24/365 International Prayer Network

Welcome to our Worldwide Prayer Network. This network spans the globe where Ministers, Ministries, Individuals and Congregations are joining in unity to pray for the “Body of Christ” to work together in the spirit of love, harmony and purpose. It is our prayer that this network will pray every hour of every day until Jesus returns.

We invite you and your ministry/church to commit to one specific hour per week to pray and join in this final international prayer gathering of the saints. This is a life commitment that you will pray each and every week for only one hour. There are 168 hours each week and we are expecting every hour to have many leaders and churches praying during each one and every one. Below are a few of the prayer points that we are praying. The list will continue to grow and change over time.

Please sign-up to join the network

Suggested and needed areas for prayer. Leaders are encouraged to select and edit as led by “Holy Spirit”!

  • Pastors will work together in their community to save the lost and make disciples
  • For all Christian Churches and pastors in their community regardless of their race or denomination
  • Pastors will establish relationships of love and trust between themselves
  • Local churches and Pastors will stop criticizing one another and start loving one another
  • Leaders of the denominations to work together with purpose to reach every community for Christ
  • Pastors to have a Kingdom attitude and heart
  • Pastors marriages and families to be strong, healthy and holy. To be examples of Christ.
  • Pastors to pray with their spouse every day
  • That strong Pastors will step forward to establish “Champion Tables” as leaders in every community
  • The Body of Christ, the Church, to become passionate about praying and will develop the discipline to pray each day with intensity and intentionally
  • That Pastors “Fast and Pray” with accountability and encouragement to one another with confidentiality
  • That anyone who calls themselves a Christian will serve and honor God with their life, words, actions, thoughts, attitudes and above all “love”
  • Our National leaders will turn to Jesus and become committed Christians
  • All Presidents, Prime Ministers and Heads of State will use the Bible as the standard for governing
  • That our Governmental leaders will call for fasts and prayers to be held at their governmental headquarters
  • For Pastors to be called to every country’s capital to pray in unity repenting and worshiping Jesus
  • That Christians will vote where and when allowed for candidates who are committed Christians
  • For Israel and their people to accept Jesus as their Messiah and Savior
  • For All Pro Pastors International and The Pastors Prayer Center to fulfill it’s Mission and Vision
  • For provision to come into this ministry so that there is more than enough to reach the entire world with this mission and for the gospel of Jesus Christ to be shared to all people
  • That the 24/365 Prayer Network will have pastors and leaders sign-up quickly and honestly to faithfully pray
  • That our hearts will have forgiveness for one another for years of racial and cultural division and criticism
  • For a great move of the Holy Spirit to move through the land with a great demonstration of power
  • For all Christian Married couples to pray together every day showing compassion for each other before God

The Give and Take Marital Love Test

A successful marriage is a give and take relationship, with each person doing as follows:

90% giving and 10% taking = 100% success


Here are ten questions to ask yourself when testing your ability to give and take.


(1) Are you willing to give silence when your spouse needs a little quiet time

(Proverbs 5:1-2)?


(2) Are you willing to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt (Proverbs 2:2)?

(3) Are you willing to take a rebuke or correction and let it rest unchallenged

(Proverbs 3: 11-12)?


(4) Are you willing to take on the extra chores during a time when you know your

spouse if feeling stressed, sick, or tired (Ecc. 4:9)?


(5) Are you willing to give positive words of encouragement (I Thes. 5:11)?


(6) Are you willing to give time to spend with your spouse – alone, without interruptions

(Eph. 5:25)?


(7) Are you willing to give your spouse the courtesy of “please” and

“Thank-you” (I Cor. 13:5)?


(8) Are you willing to take a “time-out” when a disagreement appears to be overheating

(James 1:19)?


(9) Are you willing to give a compliment (Col. 4:6)?


(10) Are you willing to take criticism?

(A) Be careful starting a sentence with “you never” or “you always” (Prov. 25:11).

(B) If you give more – the take becomes easier.

(C) If you must criticize, do it lovingly.


Listen, if you could not answer yes to all of these questions, please take heart. Marriage is a growing process, a “marathon,” not a “sprint.” As each of you grow in your willingness to give and take, you will grow closer together. “Be gentle and ready to forgive, never hold grudges (Col. 3:13 TLB).


, ,

Pastors Sharpen Pastors and Prayer is the Sword!

Pastors we need each other and our families need us to be strong.

Watch this short video and be encouraged!


How to TALK So My Spouse Will Listen
It is very important to seek God in prayer for wisdom. Proper timing and direction before
engaging in conversation is essential. Notice this scripture, Psalms 16:11-“I will show
you the path(s) of life. In my presence is fullness of joy; at my right hand there are
pleasures for evermore.” He has given all of us a powerful ministry. It is called the
ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18). Let’s take an optical view of these guidelines.
 Go to the proper person with a good attitude
(Matt. 5:23-24, 18:15).
 Sit down in a quiet place with no distractions.
 Pray before engaging in conversation (Optional but important).
 Have dialogue conversation (Both people talk), which involves
talking and listening. One person should not dominate the
 No name-calling, no yelling, no foul language.
 Focus on the problem, not the person; stick to the issue.
 Avoid generalities. Examples: you never, you always.
 Use the “I” statement.
a. I have a problem ………………………………………………………………………
b. I need to know…………………………………………………………………………..
c. I feel frustrated about ………………………………………………………………
d. I feel disappointed ……………………………………………………………………
e. I feel hurt …………………………………………………………………………………
f. I want to bring some closure to our argument.
g. I am sorry that I ……………………………………………………………………….
 Show humility and empathy-James 5:16a -“Confess your faults one to
 If it still seems to be challenging to talk to the other person or your
mate, write him/her a letter, text, or email, then read and meditate
on Psalms 138:8 -“The Lord will perfect that which concerns you.”



(To identify with or to make him feel special)

  1. Don’t interrupt or correct him when he is telling a story.
  2. Compliment him in front of his children, your parents, his parents and friends.
  3. Let him have some time to relax when he arrives home from work.
  4. Develop a genuine interest in his work and hobbies.
  5. Admire him for his strength and significance.
  6. If he wants to take a lunch to work, pack it for him.
  7. Try to be home (and off the phone) when he gets home from work and be up

in the morning when he leaves.

  1. Help your kids be excited about Dad’s coming home.
  2. Understand when he wants to spend time enjoying sports or hobbies with his


  1. Keep his favorite snack on hand.
  2. Stick to your budget.
  3. Watch his favorite sporting events with him.

Family Focus Ministry (


Is Your Name Nobody?

Judges 9:53 NKJV “But a certain woman dropped an upper millstone on Abimelech’s head and crushed his skull.”  Wow, some real drama and a historical victory for God’s children. However, one day as I read the account I related to it very personally.  In pastoral ministry I was often referred to as Carlotta or Ms. B. Both were pleasing to me; they were personal. Yet when being introduced in pastoral, missions and itinerary ministry I have been introduced innumerable times as, “Larry’s wife.”  I do like the sound of it because I love being his wife. But I am also an individual. Don’t misunderstand, I am not one of those ministers’ wives who goes around trying to establish a platform by declaring, “But what about me, I have something to offer too.”  However, I will admit that on one occasion when being introduced as merely Larry’s wife, by a pastor with whom we had been in close fellowship for years, I demonstrated some holy boldness – well, some kind of boldness – and declared, “You know I do have a name.”  Please recognize what I am saying. There are times when such an introduction is appropriate, but when the opportunity presents itself anyone can appreciate respect and personal acceptance.


I had often read this story of a “certain” woman but until this time had not researched and determined that the same reference is so frequently included in Scripture for other women and men.  It sounds like the introduction of more modern day stories reading, “Once upon a time….”


Now the lesson that I would like to present from the Judges 9 story is something that stirred my heart and continues to challenge me.  I won’t go into a lot of detail since you know the story and can further study at your convenience, but the main facts are as follows:


  1. The certain woman, along with her fellow citizens, had fled into the city’s strong tower because they were being pursued by the wicked king Abimelech who had killed his brothers, seventy sons of Jerubbaal (Gideon).  God had lifted His restraints because of his many cruel and evil deeds. At last the people revolted against the king’s ungodly rule.
  2. The king saw the vulnerability of the people, approached the tower himself and was attempting to set fire to the entrance.
  3. Mind you, the tower was crowded with all the citizens who had climb it in desperation but note –
  4. A certain woman saw opportunity, acted upon it, proved courageous and dropped a millstone on Abimelech’s head, crushing his skull.  This action caused him to beg to be killed by his men so it couldn’t be said that it was a woman who had destroyed him.

This woman is still an example of encouragement to us.  In fact, she reminds me of another woman in Judges, Jael.  They both saw opportunity and seized the moment. One is not named and one is. You may be made to feel at times that your name is “No Name.” The challenge is this – are you presenting yourself to be a certain woman or a certain man?  Regardless of whether your name is mentioned or is not.  The point is that you are you. You are vital, whether in vocational ministry, education, business, the medical field, the arts, stay-at-home parenting, even in a state of physical disability.  We hear the term marketplace frequently. The marketplace has always been the place of mingling, interaction. So may I say it this way? Your marketplace is anywhere and everywhere you take in oxygen and do life.  Be the person who sees need, sees opportunity, seizes the moment, takes action for God and man. You are God’s certain woman or God’s certain man.  You have His favor, His help, His anointing as soon as you put your hand/your mind/your voice to what is provided.  He is still saying “well done” to the woman in Judges 9 and he says “well-done” to your obedience.


(To identify with or to make her feel special)

1. Have good conversation when you’d rather read the paper or watch tv.
2. Give her a back rub with no expectation of physical intimacy.
3. Keep your home repaired and in good order. ***
4. Make sure the car has good tires and is in good running condition. ***
5. Hold her hand when you lead the family prayer.
6. Find a way to save something from every pay check.
7. Ask for her input before making decisions.
8. Hold her tenderly when she cries, and tell her it’s okay.
9. Ask her out and plan the entire date yourself, including making the
10. Call, if you are going to be more than fifteen minutes late.
11. Encourage her to take time out with her friends.
12. Remember to carry a clean handkerchief when you go to a romantic movie.
*** (These actions make her feel more secure) ***
Family Focus Ministry (

Money Personalities

Financial stress in a relationship is one of the major causes of divorce.
There are five main money personalities. Each personality has strengths
and weaknesses, with the need for temperance.
1. The Spenders can be generous with gifts on self or the people they
love; however, unmanaged spending can lead to much debt.
2. The Savers usually have little debt challenges, but can be labeled as
cheapskates or tightfisted.
3. The Security Seekers are great planners and know how to use money to
build a financial future, but they can be short-sighted and put off living
for today.
4. The Risk Takers are always looking for a money making adventure;
nevertheless, if they are not careful, may end up broke or bankrupt.
5. The Flyers are usually free from stress about money and passionate
about life and relationships, nevertheless can be headed for big
financial trouble because often times they give less attention to things
like bills, over-draft fees, over-the-limit notices and late fees.
In summary, there are pros and cons to each money personality; therefore,
it is extremely important to maintain balance and trust God for wisdom and
money moderation in handling finances. How you manage your money
personality is very important for a fruitful relationship.

Christmas a Time for Celebrating Life, Love and Family

Christmas should be a time of joy and a celebration of life, love and family. It should be about His presence in the earth and in our hearts.
To the retail world it’s about people spending money often on things they don’t need with money they don’t have.

I grew up in South Africa and we didn’t call him Santa but Father Christmas which I’m grateful for because as a child I saw a man with a beard, often my dad, with a red bag of gifts for the children and my memory through the eyes of a child was a father who wanted to bless his children and that’s what Christmas is about. It’s about the love our Heavenly Father has for his creation. If we want to bless our earthy children with gifts how much more does God want to shower blessing on us.

We do however need to learn to receive those gifts.
One gift we were given in the late 80’s was an understanding of the gift of Righteousness. Rom. 5:17 says, to as many as receive the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the one Christ Jesus.
We receive this gift because of His love for us. We don’t deserve gifts at Christmas we get to give them and receive them. Well we did not deserve the gift of righteousness.
Jesus paid the price for our righteousness or right standing with God.
2 Cor.5:21
He became sin that we might become His righteousness.
Seems too simple ? We over complicate the Bible as though we need to go to bible college in order to be a witness in the world.

Once we understand who we are in Christ, our identity in Him, we cannot help but want to speak of what we have seen and heard concerning the Word of life.
1 John:1 .

The Gospel is a revelation of God’s righteousness. It’s the power of God in His Word to change a life, transform a heart bring hope into hopelessness.

Rom 1:16:17
The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation first for the Jew then for the Greek. In it the ‘righteousness’ of God is ‘revealed’ from faith to faith.

Let us all become more like Children who simply trust their Father to provide.
Jesus said that we should become as little children then we would see the Kingdom. There are many that don’t see the Kingdom because they have yet to understand the simplicity and power of the cross. They are awaiting His second coming but not fully embraced His first.

Christmas is a time to become like a child and receive from our Father with child-like faith and trust so that we can go out and share the good news of the gospel with everyman in every place.
People need to see love in action so let us all be mindful of preferring one another, loving our neighbor and honoring our Savior because if we make room for Him, He will make room for us.

, ,



A Godly example for others is NOT AN OPTION in ministry, however many times we show anything other than a Godly impact on lives that are watching our every move.

Sometimes it is so easy to laugh at another’s sick joke, or criticize a man or woman of God because they do things differently than we do or we might complain often of our ailments or problems with our children and family. Are we the example that will enhance their lives or are we like the blind leading the blind?

What we may be showing others is “Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.”

What about ego? Are we always bragging, building ourselves up as we crave for attention?

Serve from Godly motives, not to feel good about yourself….or to be praised, accepted, or in control.

May each of us look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:4 ESV

Are we always considerate of others?

Do we strive to be on time….?

Do we answer phone calls and text promptly?

Do we answer messages with a pleasant message other than a yes or no?

The power of our example of the way we live either has a negative or positive influence on others.

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Romans 12:10 ESV

What about sharing our interest in movies, TV or other media outlets? Do we show interest in TV shows that are knowingly secular, violent, witchcraft, promoting sexual perversion and other worldly interests or is it our ultimate goal to help others become imitators of Christ so not to open our eyes, mind and spirit to these evil pursuit’s ?

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Galatians 6:9 ESV

Do we show and live by example, that our spouse is our best friend (after Jesus Christ) .and that he or she comes before anyone in our congregation or otherwise?

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

Colossians 3:23-24 ESV

Conflict Resolution in Relationships

Improper communication could lead to conflict, however, you cannot
resolve conflict without proper communication (Eph. 4:29) Let no corrupt
communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the
use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

What is Conflict: A state of opposition between ideas or interests;
a clash or disagreement; a quarrel or a difference of opinion.

Three things that displeases a woman/wife that could
lead to conflict
* Constantly operating in “fix-it mode”
* Not balancing your hobbies and personal life well
* Please don’t compare her with other women

Three things that displeases a man/husband that could
lead to conflict
* Constantly criticizing or correcting him in public, and
especially in front of the children
* When you expect him to read your mind
* Please don’t compare him with other men

 Relationship resolution: Operating with contrition
* P.S. – Personal Surrender
P.E. – Personal Expression
* Confess your faults (James 5:16)
* Pray – “Father, thank you for showing us …….”
* Make praying together a lifestyle
(ASAP-Always Stop And Pray)
* Make Eph. 5:33 and 1Cor. 7:33-35a a life application