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How to Give Your Wife Security

(1) Stay connected with her emotionally. Your wife wants you to understand how she feels, and she wants to know what is going on in your heart and mind as well. “Listen, God cares so much about this that He instructed the newlywed husband to invest a year into nothing but the happiness of his wife. He is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married” (Deut. 24:5).

(2) Avoid criticism that threatens her sense of self-worth. She needs to know that you love her for who she is, regardless of what she does or doesn’t do. Tell her regularly that you love her, no matter what.

(3) Talk to her and pray with her. Communication is the key to creating intimacy with your wife. Make time every day to have meaningful interaction with her. Ask questions about her day. “Listen, look her in the eyes, ask how she’s doing and really listen to her answer.”

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Services Offered:
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Steps to Restoring Your Marriage

1. Look for the good in your marriage (in your mate).
Do your best to make it right, especially if you have invested years into it (Rom. 8:28 – And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…). God can turn messes into miracles and obstacles into opportunities, and remember that in every mess, there’s a message.

2. Consider all the positive things in the union.
Remember all the happy times, fun times, romantic times, and what you have built together. Keep intimacy fresh and make each other feel important. A man can function fairly well if intimacy goes from the marriage, but a woman cannot live in an emotionally stable way without it, whether she is 23 or 83. Don’t let boredom enter into your marriage, keep love alive. John 10:10b says, “I’ve come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.” Start complimenting and exhorting one another (Eph. 4:32). Words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in pictures of silver (Prov. 25:11).

3. Ask for each other’s forgiveness.
Ask God to forgive you and ask your partner to forgive you (James 5:16). Eph. 4:31-32, Matt. 18:21-22, Matt. 5:23-24,

4. Learn to work out, work through, and communicate properly, problems and challenges.
Let’s grow up and be open for change (Eph. 4:15, 2 Peter 3:18)! Remember that the mind is not new, but it is constantly being renewed. Know that God is able (Eph. 3:20); Is there anything too hard for God (Gen. 18:14)?

5. If at all possible, don’t ever contemplate divorce!
God is a restorer (Psalms 23:3). He brings life back into situations. Romans 13:14 tells us to make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts, and John 10:10 says to give him no pleasure. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. Resist him! Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7). We are conquerors (Romans 8:32-34). Allow nothing to separate you.

6. Develop a personal private prayer life and start praying together. Alone, one can put a thousand to flight, however, when you and your spouse are in agreement, you can put ten thousand to flight. I am referring to enemy forces (Luke 18:1, Eph. 6:18, Deut. 32:30).

7. To the husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Listen to your wife, learn your wife, understand your wife. Spend time together, know your wife, and communicate with your wife.

8. To the wife, give your husband respect.
(Eph. 5:33) Submit to his leadership, learn your husband, understand your husband. Do not trouble your own house (Prov. 11:29).

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The Give and Take Marital Love Test

A successful marriage is a give and take relationship, with each person doing as follows:

90% giving and 10% taking = 100% success

 

Here are ten questions to ask yourself when testing your ability to give and take.

 

(1) Are you willing to give silence when your spouse needs a little quiet time

(Proverbs 5:1-2)?

 

(2) Are you willing to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt (Proverbs 2:2)?

(3) Are you willing to take a rebuke or correction and let it rest unchallenged

(Proverbs 3: 11-12)?

 

(4) Are you willing to take on the extra chores during a time when you know your

spouse if feeling stressed, sick, or tired (Ecc. 4:9)?

 

(5) Are you willing to give positive words of encouragement (I Thes. 5:11)?

 

(6) Are you willing to give time to spend with your spouse – alone, without interruptions

(Eph. 5:25)?

 

(7) Are you willing to give your spouse the courtesy of “please” and

“Thank-you” (I Cor. 13:5)?

 

(8) Are you willing to take a “time-out” when a disagreement appears to be overheating

(James 1:19)?

 

(9) Are you willing to give a compliment (Col. 4:6)?

 

(10) Are you willing to take criticism?

(A) Be careful starting a sentence with “you never” or “you always” (Prov. 25:11).

(B) If you give more – the take becomes easier.

(C) If you must criticize, do it lovingly.

 

Listen, if you could not answer yes to all of these questions, please take heart. Marriage is a growing process, a “marathon,” not a “sprint.” As each of you grow in your willingness to give and take, you will grow closer together. “Be gentle and ready to forgive, never hold grudges (Col. 3:13 TLB).

 

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Conflict Resolution in Relationships

Improper communication could lead to conflict, however, you cannot
resolve conflict without proper communication (Eph. 4:29) Let no corrupt
communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the
use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

What is Conflict: A state of opposition between ideas or interests;
a clash or disagreement; a quarrel or a difference of opinion.

Three things that displeases a woman/wife that could
lead to conflict
* Constantly operating in “fix-it mode”
* Not balancing your hobbies and personal life well
* Please don’t compare her with other women

Three things that displeases a man/husband that could
lead to conflict
* Constantly criticizing or correcting him in public, and
especially in front of the children
* When you expect him to read your mind
* Please don’t compare him with other men

 Relationship resolution: Operating with contrition
* P.S. – Personal Surrender
P.E. – Personal Expression
* Confess your faults (James 5:16)
* Pray – “Father, thank you for showing us …….”
* Make praying together a lifestyle
(ASAP-Always Stop And Pray)
* Make Eph. 5:33 and 1Cor. 7:33-35a a life application

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Sex, Money and Power: Table Talk

How do we treat God's Gifts?Dear Pastor,

A few years ago God put a strong word in me about the struggles Pastors have with sex, money and power. As people that are human we have the same driving issues that every other person has. The flesh that we live in has hungers that if not “Disciplined” will ruin our lives our families and our ministries! Sex has been made to be a dirty word by many pastors and churches because the world has been very abusive and seductive in its portrayal of it, however the beautiful union between a man and a woman was given to us by God. God set this special gift aside to be between a man and his wife as a Holy Union that demonstrates the oneness of marriage. Our challenge to you today is to ask yourself, am I seeking to be like the world or am I seeking to be like God. In other words, am I treating sex as “Holy Intimacy” as a gift or am I treating it as a flesh satisfying action where God is forgotten?

Pastors, we must not allow ourselves to stay in the trap of the enemy filling our eyes, mind and actions with sexual fantasies. This is a sure way to total failure and perhaps eternity in the pit of hell. Yes, we said hell! Let us say this very truthful statement, “Your Actions and Words Identify Whose you really are!”  The only way to defeat the enemy in this arena is to (1) Be “full” of God’s word (2) Obey the Holy Spirit (3) Put NOTHING before your eyes that cause temptation (4) If Married- Have Holiness in your intimacy and make your bed an altar before God (5) Engage in weekly Accountability The Bible teaches that the love of Money is the root of all kinds of evil. Having Money or lacking Money is definitely a driving force in peoples lives today.

As Pastors we must have Money for ministry. We must have money for survival. We must answer the question that if we serve an all powerful and loving God why are so many Christians struggling to eat and pay bills. These are questions that we face constantly. The wealthy Pastor versus the poor Pastor is a very difficult challenge. What we know is very clear, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven”! “Where your heart is there is also your treasure!” These are just two of the truths of God’s word. As Pastors we volunteer to give up our lives to serve the Lord. Money is the defining tool God uses to determine where your heart is. God may choose to bless one greatly and another not. He looks at the heart. But be aware, the enemy can pour money and earthly treasures on you as well giving you the choice, who are you going to serve?

The questions you may need to also ask is, do I have any idols in my closet? Would you be willing to sell all to follow Jesus? If the answer is No, then perhaps you need to examine your heart and see if Jesus lives there. If the answer is yes then you need to live like it! Treat everything you have as if it were Jesus’ and he expects you to return it to him. Having Money is a good thing as long as it doesn’t own you! Power and Glory are battles that all Pastors face. They are either inward or outward. Being in control as the Shepherd is a genuine responsibility that must be taken seriously. Falling into the deception that we are to control and dictate has caused the destruction of many great Pastors. Leading as a Bold servant of God who understands the authority you operate under is critical to having a highly blessed/successful ministry. Power struggles in church leadership, pastoral staffs and congregational leaders continue to be one of the primary tools satan uses to destroy churches and pastors.

Self center attitudes by pastors breeds destructive tendencies as well. Being in charge is a constant battle and it often stems from home life. The worlds way says, “it’s all about me”! The idea of being a humble servant is not very appealing based on worldly standards however Jesus humbled himself to become a man. The fact is that when you truly know who you are in Jesus and you know how to live under his authority then being humble is a necessity. Why? Because you walk in His Power and Authority, not your own. You walk in the fullness of Holy Spirit and are confident! Pastor, I pray that you will examine yourself today and get with your fellow Champions and review these three major battle grounds for Christians/Pastors. Dissect them, search the scriptures establish a checks and balance/accountability. It is our prayer that this brief letter will bring things to your attention that will cause you to stretch to a higher calling and a higher walk with the lord Jesus. We also pray that you will become the leader and pastor that God called you to be by humbling yourself and praying daily more fervently than ever before. We love you and continue to pray for you. Your Servant, paul        

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How to Become a Champion Pastor!

Are you kidding me? First you say “All Pro Pastor” and now you say “Champion”. What’s the catch? Here it is. Every Pastor is an All Pro or should be as God’s Messenger and assigned Shepherd, but not all are “Champions”. We must strive to be Champions every day….. and it starts with the Man! As Pastors we are taught many “how to’s” regarding the Church. There are countless support structures and teachings on every conceivable issue, but when it comes to the person called Pastor, it can become very lonely. The Champion Pastor is proactive in doing any and everything to be the Man, God created him to be so that he can be the Pastor he was called to be!

It is the Man part of us where the enemy hits us, our family, our marriage, our mind, our work, our ego and pride, our attitude, our honesty, our finances, our secret struggles, Pastor you know exactly what I am talking about. It is all of us who are called Pastor who are attacked in these areas. Many Pastor tendencies are to keep everything bottled up inside and give the appearance of being indestructible. We isolate ourselves internally and put our feelings, emotions and trust on the “Island of Aloneness”.  Most would say, I am surrounded by people, have a family I love and a wife I adore, yet I catch myself with no-one to trust and no-one to talk too. Who can I trust Lord? Is their anyone I can talk to and feel safe??

Pastor, the answer is Yes. God gave us a very powerful and effective solution to defeating this “aloneness”! We have started something called “Champion Tables”. These Tables are made up of four Pastors who meet for about 1-2 hours each week to talk as MEN. Much like Jesus with Peter, James, and John he spent Time with them. At the Table we have time to build real relationships and genuine trust. It becomes our SAFE place. Only another Pastor can understand another Pastor and these Tables are making huge impacts on the Pastors who have started them. Pastors DO NOT look at this as “another meeting” but as a their “Weekly Vacation“. It is a time of refreshing and recharge. Sometimes an unload and reload.

It is this “Weekly Vacation” at the Table that helps us to be that Man of God my wife and children need. It is the Table that gives Pastors encouraging accountability to stay strong and move to the next level. It is the Table that instills a Kingdom Culture because my Pastor brothers lift my arms up when I am in battle and pick me up when no one else knows I have slipped.

The Champions Table is for every Pastor. It is where Champions are made, marriages are strengthened and ministries and energized.

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Pastors Luncheon Brings Kingdom Together!

Thursday January 17th was our first 2013 USA luncheon for All Pro Pastors. Many Pastors and wives attended. The testimonies of how God was using the Champion Tables to encourage and strengthen marriages and ministries brought many tears. One wife declared that her husband’s Champion Table had saved their marriage. Praise God! The Champion Table is a place where we as Pastors can go and feel totally SAFE and totally Honest.

Rehoboth Faith Cathedral hosted and put on a fully catered mouth watering meal. The team, Pastor Willie Bolden has, did a wonderful job.

The beautiful testimony is there were Baptist Pastors sitting with Assembly of God Pastors and Messianic Rabbi’s with Pentecostal Bishops at the same table sharing and laughing together like a family should. Both Black and White, Nigerian and Indian Pastors all together as one one body who love Jesus and each other.

The Champion Table is helping Pastors learn to Trust one another and bring the Kingdom together. If you are not in a Champion Table, start one today. It will change your life.

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Tampa Luncheon Great Inspiration!

Thursday January 17th was our first 2013 USA luncheon for All Pro Pastors. Many Pastors and wives attended. The testimonies of how God was using the Champion Tables to encourage and strengthen marriages and ministries brought many tears. One wife declared that her husband’s Champion Table had saved their marriage. Praise God! The Champion Table is a place where we as Pastors can go and feel totally SAFE and totally Honest.

Rehoboth Faith Cathedral hosted and put on a fully catered mouth watering meal. The team, Pastor Willie Bolden has, did a wonderful job.

The beautiful testimony is there were Baptist Pastors sitting with Assembly of God Pastors and Messianic Rabbi’s with Pentecostal Bishops at the same table sharing and laughing together like a family should. Both Black and White, Nigerian and Indian Pastors all together as one one body who love Jesus and each other.

The Champion Table is helping Pastors learn to Trust one another and bring the Kingdom together. If you are not in a Champion Table, start one today. It will change your life.

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Lakeland Luncheon Resonates with Passion Possessions and Power Message

Pastor Fred challenged the men and women who attended today’s luncheon at the Hawthorne Inn  in Lakeland Florida to stay focused on Christ as they focused on their spouses. It is true that we have wandering eyes that are built in but these eyes do not have to thirst with lust and immoral desires. As men we must admit that looking is what men do but what happens next is where the battles are often the hardest fought. We need to hold each other accountable to stay true to our wives and strong in our passion for God’s Word. The lust of the eyes has been the starting place for many who fall. Admitting that it is a real battle is where many men need to start. It is easy to say that you don’t look but we doubt your honesty with your self. Looking is normal. God built that into to us, but fighting off the temptation that follows strengthens us to stand strong when tougher battles confront us. How good it is to surround ourselves with Champion brothers to help us stand firm. Praise God!

Fred also shared about how our desires for possessions can destroy lives, marriages and churches. Our lust for the things of this earth can easily become our next IDOL! Financial honesty is critical in every marriage! Secrets are the road to trouble. Keep it open and honest even if it hurts.

Power struggles are common as Pastors, from boards at the church to that long time member who thinks they own the church. It can also be a struggle at home when a husband and wife allow the church to be their “playing field for arguments”. Men you need to date your wife every day. Treat her with loving compassion as Christ certainly treats you. Wives need to respect and support your husband even allowing him to fail. As long as he is trying support his efforts. Husbands need to realize that your wife wants you to succeed and probably has good ideas if you will ask and listen. She loves you! It is up to you to fight off the attacks of the enemy by showing kindness and respect for one another!

Above all, pray together hand in hands!!!! Every Day!!!! Do not pray at one another. Let’s face it, we are in WARFARE and it is our responsibility to utilize the armor and the weapons God has given us. Men, today you were charged to step up as real men of God and be a “CHAMPION”. Joining a Champions Table may be your next step. Being honest at your Table may be where you are?! Some may need to take good counsel and apply it. It may save your marriage, family, children, and possibly your church. One Pastor’s wife said today that the Champions Table has saved their marriage “for now“, but there is more work to do! The Champions Table is a safe place and it can also be the place that fuels your life with the wisdom and energy you thirst for!

Now, what are you going to do about it????

 

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