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Could this be your Wife’s View?

Pastor-Husband vs Secular men
Does he STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE AS A MAN OF GOD to be like JESUS IN EVERY FACET OF HIS PERSONAL
LIFE WITH HIS SPOUSE?
James 3:1-3 NKJV: My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing
that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.
No one knows better than the wife of a Pastor, behind closed doors and knowing his restraining actions.
What about his PRIDE and EGO?
Is he MATERIALISTIC to a fault?
Does he share THOUGHTS with his wife?
When his wife make suggestions, does he SHUT HER OFF?
Sometime does her WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT offend him or maybe he takes them the wrong way?
Does he jump to his OWN CONCLUSIONS at his wife’s comments, suggestions?
What about LISTENING TO HER HEART?
Does he put his wife’s INTIMATE NEEDS before his own or does he TAKE FOR GRANTED that she has
been as satisfied as him?
When SHE CLAMS UP, does he try to understand why or EVEN CARE WHY?
Does he ASSUME she is criticizing or complaining OR does he TRY to see and hear her point in a truly
caring way?
Does he put her FIRST, after GOD, (at home, on the pulpit, out in public)?
Do the MEN in the congregation want to be just like him?
Does the congregation see his efforts of striving for EXCELLENCE as a husband?
Do his son’s WANT to be the kind of husband he is to their mother?
There are many wonderful men in the world (JUST LIKE MANY PASTOR’S) who make super mates for
their wives, the only difference is that he IS A PASTOR!
As a leader in the KINGDOM OF GOD, are you, THE PASTOR satisfied to be just like those other men, OR
are you STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE as a MAN OF GOD and making a DIFFERENCE TO BE LIKE JESUS!
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Rejection the Supreme Test

The recovery process takes a minimum stay of 100 days. In February of 2016 I had the honor to be a friend’s companion during her recovery after a bone marrow transplant.  She had to follow the strictest of regimens and doctors instructions.  Selecting the proper donor was a tough process because her son ultimately was the donor.  

Definition of rejection

  1. 1a :  the action of rejecting :  the state of being rejected b :  an immune response in which foreign tissue (as of a skin graft or transplanted organ) is attacked by immune system components of the recipient organism

The purpose of the 100 days is to make sure her body doesn’t reject the tissue.  The numerous doctor’s appointments and labs were exhausting.  Every function of her body was monitored and constantly examined.  To date she is cancer free and getting stronger and stronger.  PTL

As pastors and pastor’s wives we see people rejected and beat up all the time.  Our quick responses of prayer and encouragement to them are part of the things we do to serve the local body.  It is Out of obedience to the Lord in our calling.  

What happens when we experience rejection?  I have been in ministry now for almost 25 years and I have had a lot of rejection.  In the definition of rejection; the second definition made me think of the local church.  The local church is where I see the body of Christ in action.  Sometimes my local body is not very kind or loving.  I feel rejection.

As pastors we try not to take things personal, but everything we do is personal.  As a servant to the ministry I have to invest and love and care!  When people leave the church it hurts.  When you pour into people’s lives and they don’t want any more to do with you, it hurts.  My prayer almost daily is, “Lord keep my heart soft and my skin thick.”  

Who was the most rejected person, Jesus?  He was perfect and yet rejected.  When I received my salvation I took on the very being of Christ.  This very thing I must remember.  Jesus kept His eyes on the Father.  His identity was in God.  I find in some of my biggest disappointments in people that have rejected me, I was looking to them for approval.  It is very easy to try and people please.  Looking to the Father and asking what He thinks of me changes my perspective on rejection.  My approval must come from Him and not man.

In ministry I’ve had to learn to get over things quickly.  This comes in the form of forgiveness.  Early on in my ministry a very precious women mentored me in the area of forgiveness.  She told me I had to learn to forgive and forgive quickly.  This is not always so easy, is it?  I found hanging on to unforgiveness made be bitter towards the people who had rejected me.  That was only hurting me.  I knew I had to lay that down.  It has changed my ministry.  I have a greater dependence on the Father.

I heard a pastor recently say, “I am going to let man’s rejection be God’s redirection in my life so I can move forward to something better!”

When I was saved, I received the bone marrow of Christ.  I want to live out my days following His orders and direction for my life.  I don’t want to go into rejection of who he made me to be.  Today I will stand in the fullness of His approval and operate out of love.

 

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How to Love Your Wife

Loving Your Wife – Positive Insights
1. The husband who loves his wife will not abuse headship. He will
not try to rule her, but learn to love her like Christ loves the
church (Ephesians 5:25).
2. The husband who loves his wife will comfort and listen to his
wife (I Thess. 5:11,14).
3. The husband who loves his wife will spend quality and quantity
time with his wife. He will put her on his calendar, etc. (Ecc. 9:9).
4. The husband who loves his wife will bring encouragement to his
wife. He will always esteem her (Hebrews 3:13).
5. The husband who loves his wife will take an interest in his wife’s
world. He will honor her likes and respect her dislikes (I Peter 3:7).
6. The husband who loves his wife will initiate reconciliation with his
wife. He understands the value of restoration (Ephesians 4:26).
7. The husband who loves his wife will pray daily for his wife.
(I Timothy 2:1).
8. The husband who loves his wife will avoid harsh words with his
wife (Ephesians 4:32, Proverbs 25:11).
9. The husband who loves his wife will keep his wife informed
(I Timothy 6:18).
10. The husband who loves his wife does not always have to be right.
He knows that compromise is an asset in a marriage (Eph. 4:2,3).

“Final Thoughts”
 Loving your wife is not an option if you are going to be in the will
of God, where God’s blessings will pursue you and overtake you
(Deut. 28:1-2).
 If your wife is not a Christian, she still needs to be valued and
appreciated (I Cor. 7:14).
 A woman is like a rose, treat her right and she will bloom. She’s a
precious gift from God to be nourished and cherished (Eph. 5:29,
Gen. 2:18).
 When your wife is emotionally hurt and has a desire to talk, if she
doesn’t ask for advice, don’t give any. Don’t give her your head,
give her your heart.
 A godly husband will master unconditional love for his wife. He
will look beyond her faults and failures. He will cover her with
patience and forgiveness. Unconditional love is not “I love you
because,” it’s, “I love you, period.”

Family Focus Ministry
Pastors Jesse & Brenda McNeil
Every person is worth understanding!
Services Offered:
Premarital Preparation, Post Marital Advisory,
Marriage Ceremonies, Seminars & Speaking Engagements
For comments or questions email us at: ffm@tampabay.rr.com
or call 863-944-2283 or 863-944-0762

Remorse vs. Repentance

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WIVES do you “REALLY” Respect Your Husband?

2 Corinthians 13:5
For self-examination, observation and
transformation, not condemnation.

1. Do you speak to your husband in a condescending “put down”
manner? For example:
A. “What’s the matter with you?”
B. “Anybody could have done better than you did.”
C. “My Dad would have never done that.”
D. “Can you do anything right?”
E. “What you just said is ridiculous!”
F. “You old fool!”
G. “You’re too slow, I’ll do it myself.”
(It’s better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing
woman (Proverbs 21:19).
2. Do you treat your husband in private as respectfully as you do your
pastor, your neighbor, or your friends in public? Honor all men, love
the brotherhood, fear God, honor the King (I Peter 2:17).
3. Does your countenance show disrespect by angry looks, looks of
disgust, crossed arms, rolling of the eyes, etc.? Then the Lord said to
Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen
(Genesis 4:6)?
4. Do you compare your husband unfavorably with other men? For I
have learned to be content in whatever state I am (Phil. 4:11).
5. Do you respect your husband’s requests by trying to do as he asks, even
if it doesn’t seem important to you? For in this way in former times, the
holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being
submissive to their own husbands (I Peter 3:5).
6. Do you listen carefully to your husband’s opinions, trying to
understand him? Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to
take offense and get angry (James 1:19).
RESPECTING YOUR HUSBAND
(Page Two)
7. Do you inappropriately contradict your husband in front of others?
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:12).
8. Do you bring up your husband’s shortcomings to others? Her husband
is known in the gates (Proverbs 31:23).
9. Do you try to intimidate or bully your husband by making threats,
verbally attacking him or in some other way manipulating him to
have your way? The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears
it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1).
10. Are you obeying God by being respectful to your husband? Let the wife
see to it that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
“Final Thoughts”
 Respecting your husband is not an option if you are going to be in the
will of God, where God’s blessings will pursue you and overtake you
(Deut. 28:1-2).
 You may be smarter, wiser, or more gifted than your husband, but you
must still respect him and the position God has given to him.
 If your husband is not a Christian, he is still to be respected because of
his position (I Corinthians 11:3, I Peter 3:1-2).
 If you are disrespectful to your husband, your children will likely
acquire the same attitude. It will be much more difficult for them to
honor their father if you are belittling him and speaking to him in a
harsh, sarcastic tone of voice.

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How to Double Your Prayer Power!

The power of prayer has changed the world many times! The Bible has countless examples of men and women who seek God on their face and on their knees and entire nations would crumble or be restored. Prayer is mankind’s expressed way to reach up to God. The children of Israel time and time again when they disobeyed God and strayed away from serving him always found his arms open when they humbled themselves and sought his face and prayed!

Have you ever prayed about something and it seemed that God is nowhere to be found? Does it appear that your prayers sometimes have NO Power at all? It is very easy to assume that all prayers are equal and each of us have the same connection with God, however you and I both know that this is not true. Some people pray for healing and it is done others pray for miracles and they are done and sometimes demonic oppression and possession is cast completely out from someones word/prayer of faith! Why do some people have great power when they pray and others do not? Why are some prayers answered and others are not? Some of this has to do with faith. Some has to do with obedience. Some has to do with intent. Some has to with knowledge. And some of this has to do with relationships! There are many reasons prayers go unanswered and some would say the answer could be NO but when we pray according to God’s Word the outcome is always fairly certain.

Today we are going to focus on one simple way to double your prayer power. Now let’s qualify this. This is for married couples. Married couples at the time of their union become one flesh according to God. The two shall come together and become one. When God says that we become “One” he takes this very seriously. From that moment on we enter into a new relationship with him. He looks at us as a unit or you could say a team of two,  one team called Family. When a husband and wife are at odds with one another, fighting with one another, criticizing each other, and looking for pleasures outside their marriage, God cannot bless their every action or request. Sure God hears you and will answer your cry for help or intercession for another but without oneness and unity in your marriage, which is sin, your prayers will hit a brick wall.

Think about this. If you and your wife make a whole, then when you are divided you are half of what God put together. You are not nearly as powerful in prayer as when you have wholeness in your marriage.

Dear friends, if you have a breakdown anywhere with your wife, if communication is strained or if you have a stagnant marriage your prayer life is suffering and thus your life is suffering. It is your responsibility to make it right, no matter how hard this may be.

Do you want to double your prayer power? Then include your wife and above all be sure that you have given NO place for the devil to reside in your marriage.

Pray together everyday and the enemy will flee and the walls will come down. Guaranteed!!

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Pastor Wives!!!!

Do you wear many “HATS” as a Pastor’s Wife?

The roles in which we carry are much like all other wives, mothers and business women; however, because of the “Church Family” it becomes overwhelming at times.

Join others that are in the same boat as you for some friendly support not found anywhere else.

We can relate to what it’s like to be in a glass cage-on the Pedestal!

This is a safe place for transparency, trust honesty with others in the same place as you.

A place where you can have restoration, be refilled and refreshed!

This safe place that I am talking about is what we “Women R Champions” call a “Champion Table”.

The “Table” is uniting with 3 or 4 other women who are either Pastor Wives, Female Ministers, or active women in ministry that have similar issues dealing with their role within the Church family.

God knows your Real name

When you married a pastor, your name changed.

You are now called “Pastor’s Wife”.

You are Special!

Paul and I are just in AWE of how God is working through the “Champions Tables” whereas allowing these men called Pastor’s to get down, get real, be transparent with each other, and have someone who understands what it’s like having to deal with a “Pastor’s Wife”!

These men are realizing they aren’t the only one going through certain problems such as “My wife QUIT yesterday-said she is tired of my bossing her around, forgetting she is my WIFE.”

YOU ARE SPECIAL!

God knows who you really are!

Champion Table” husbands are FINALLY REALIZING HOW SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT the woman they married IS TO THEM!

As these “Tables” have grown and been active for many years, we have seen God’s hand working on the marriage and families of the dedicated pastors who are actively take part.

The results of changed Men WHO HAPPEN TO BE PASTOR’S is becoming more evident at each event of All Pro Pastors, when wives testify of how the Lord is performing miracles with the Holy Spirit taking hold of their families.

We are in this journey together

Paul and I are so honored that God is using us as a vehicle to be there for you and your husbands. Every day we are blessed with your wonderful testimonies of HIS GRACE!

I am ecstatic with the excitement of so many precious wives who are desiring to form relationships with each other, much like the “Pastor Tables”.

Ladies, our world is in trouble.

As women, we have the potential to change the world: starting at home,

By LOVING ONE ANOTHER—-the church will see our LOVE IN CHRIST—-how to go out into the world with that LOVE—-what matters most……………………………

 

Paul and I pray for you every day, if you have a special prayer request please send it to me at WRCprayer@ALLPROPASTORS.ORG   I promise YOUR REQUEST will be lifted up to the LORD!

 

My Love to you in Jesus Name,

Linda Pickern

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Radical Sabatical

Calgon, take me away! When do I get a break? How can I get away to be refreshed? I can’t take weekends off! I tell my friends why I don’t own a boat…because I work every weekend. My ministerial life revolves around Wednesday and Sunday. I don’t work a regular 8 to 5 job, Monday through Friday. My TGIF is thank God I’m forgiven.

One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. Luke 8:22. Jesus recognized the fact that he needed to get away. He and his disciples needed a short break from the throngs of people. He said, “Hey, let’s take a break, let’s get away. Dr. Vance Havner was quoted to have said, “Pastors, if you don’t come apart, you will fall apart”. We all need some time of respite and relaxation. We all need time to get refocused and revived.

The story goes the rookie tree feller cut down more trees than anybody on his first day on the job. He arrived early and stayed late chopping down trees. He even worked through his lunch hour while everyone else was resting in the shade. When Friday came, he was called in and fired. He was indignant and angry over this news, Why he asked? His supervisor stated, “Do you know what the rest of the crew was doing on their lunch hour while you were chopping down trees? No, he replied. They were sitting in the shade, eating their lunch, resting their arms and sharpening their axes. When is the last time you sharpened you axe? Not all week, I’ve been too bust cutting down trees. Pastor, don’t become so busy oiling the machine, you forget to take time to find rest for yourself. Your congregation needs you to be as sharp as you can.

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Leadership Words!

Leadership Words

Our words can get us into trouble or they can dissolve trouble. How well do you use your words in life as a leader? If you are not sure, just look at the relationships around you. Loving words can be like a warm breath on a lit candle that can easily extinguish a heart simmering with anger. “Please forgive me” can be just as powerful a collection of words as “I Love you with all my heart!”  In this article, we will consider the power of our words as it relates to us as Leaders of the WORD.

My father gave me great advice the day I got married. He said to me, “Son, when you and your wife get into an argument, watch your words. Once you say them, you cannot take them back.” Although I have not always practiced this seasoned piece of wisdom, I do understand the incredible importance of it. As a Leader, we have to stop and consider a few ways we can learn to weigh our words in our heart before they are spoken (or shot) out of our mouth?

In a time of drought, even the smallest bit of water can help a thirsty land. It can also help a drying heart. One of the first ways to weigh our words is to consider if they will be received as a cool glass of water or a mason jar of gas. Like the brittle grass during an absence of rain, is a heart that is hurting. The smallest spark can set it on fire. The words you choose will determine either a blessing or a blaze. Remember in meetings and gatherings, fires are good for roasting marshmallows, not each other.

Another way to weigh our words is to consider what your subordinates expect of you. If you are married, has your spouse ever said “I don’t need your solutions; I just need your sympathy”? Many of us are fixers and when it comes to talking with our spouses and those that work for (or with) us, less is often more. If you are not sure- ASK. This not only determines the content of your words, it also impacts the way you listen. You may even say something like, “How can I best assist you?” Try it next time- you might be surprised at the response.

I remember a poem by H.W. Longfellow that that said, “I shot an arrow into the air, it fell to earth, I knew not where; for, so swiftly it flew, the sight could not follow it in its flight.” A third way we weigh our words is to consider its target. Will the words be encouraging or confronting? Is the point of the words to affirm a good choice or to expose a bad one? Regardless of the arrow, the string that sends it flying should be that of love and respect. When we speak the truth in love (EPH. 4:15), we never have to worry about a stray arrow causing unnecessary injury.

Musician Tommy Shaw stated, “Timing is everything.” If that is true in music, it is also important in our words because all of life is relationships. Our next way to weigh our words comes not from the ticking of the clock as it is the cadence of the conversation. When you are about to say something to someone, especially when it is a heated discussion, ask yourself, “At this time, will he/she hear what I am about to say?” If you are unsure about the importance of timing, please consider the Prophet Nathan in 2 Samuel 12:1-13.

As we close, I want to provide one more way to weigh our words and that is at the foot of the cross. Only when our words are first baptized in the waters of worship to God will we be able to bring a proper sacrifice of speech to the Lord’s altar of healing. Words matter. The Apostle John wrote “In the beginning was the word (Logos), and the Word was with God and the word was God…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us . . .” (John 1:1, 14). When we run our words through the Word, they will always come out with grace and not growl.

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The Command to “Love and Respect”

The Command to Love and Respect (Ephesians 5:33) “Nevertheless, let everyone of you in particular (speaking to husbands), so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence (respect) her husband.

(1) A husband is to obey the command to love, even if his wife does not obey the command to respect.

(2) A wife is to obey the command to respect, even if her husband does not obey the command to love.

(3) A husband is called to love a disrespectful wife.

(4) A wife is called to respect an unloving husband.

(5) There is no justification for a husband to say: “I will love my wife after she respects me; nor for a wife to say: I will respect my husband after he loves me.”

(6) When a husband feels disrespected, it’s very hard to love his wife.

(7) When a wife feels unloved, it is very hard to respect her husband.

(8) When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife.

(9) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband.

(10) It is very important to understand – When someone reacts toward you, respond to them.

a. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

b. Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not (Galatians 6:9).

c. Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord (Ephesians 6:8)

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Seven Reasons Not to be a Champion

  1. I don’t want to buy your breakfast
  2. I have a whole congregation of close friends
  3. My church runs smoothly
  4. I don’t want to invest in anyone’s life 
  5. My family is fine 
  6. I don’t have problems 
  7. I don’t need accountability I have my spouse

So, tongue and check out of the way, I love meeting with my table mates every week!  I am human and have real needs, not just as a woman but as a pastor’s wife that takes hits from all sides that could use a friend that truly understands things from every side.  So yeah, some weeks when money is tight I might need to buy her breakfast.  My table mates have become a place where my marriage and family have been prayed over with earnest, sweet blessings and in confidentiality. It’s wonderful to see the fruits!  I love having a place to run and share.  Ultimately, I’m not the champion, my table mates are my champions!  That’s what being a part of a table is about.  I could have gone on and on, listed a scripture for every point!    What is holding you back?     Become a Champion! Be someone’s Champion!

 

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A Regret-Free Marriage

“Everyone has experienced regrets at sometime in his or her life. Sadly enough, they seem to be part of

the cold realization that we all do things we wish we hadn’t done or fail to do the things we should

have. Nonetheless, if we allow regrets to keep our focal point on the past, we are setting ourselves up

for trouble. Someone once said that living with your focus on regrets is like trying to drive a car while

looking in the rear-view mirror; there’s no doubt about it—you’re going to crash.”

One question asked many husbands and wives was to “share some of the regrets they harbored.” Later,

those surveyed indicated that “these feelings have affected their personal lives, and, in some instances,

have had a derogatory impact on their marriages.”

Here’s just a partial list of what some of the husbands and wives said. Please read them carefully—

we’re hoping that we’ll learn from them so we won’t continue to make the same mistakes and

eventually live with the same regrets:

THE WIVES SAID 2

:

• I wish my husband and I wouldn’t have argued in front of the children.

• I’m afraid we got married too soon. We were counseled to wait, but we didn’t.

• I regret not making “our relationship” more of a priority over the children. Now that the kids are

older, I feel like my husband and I don’t really know each other.

• I wish we hadn’t lived together before we got married.

• I would have asked Jesus into my life sooner. I regret the wasted years.

• We should have changed the way we conducted our financial situation. We’re so far in debt, I

don’t think we’ll ever be financially secure.

• I wish my husband and I would have prayed together. Whenever we’d hear someone preach

about having prayer time as a couple, we’d talk about it but never follow through. I feel like

something is missing between us as a result.

• I regret never really enjoying my children. I wanted them to grow up quickly. They kept me

from doing things I wanted to do, got in my way, and drove me crazy. Looking back, I feel

foolish for being so short sighted. I wish I could do some of it over.

1 Anderson, Roger & Ponceti, Anthony – Love is a God Designed Hunger © 2011

2 Hot Topics for Couples: What Husbands and Wives Aren’t Telling Each Other By Steve & Annie Chapman

All Pro Pastors A Regret-Free Marriage Page 1 of 3

The Husbands Said:

• I regret raising our children in a spiritually unfit environment.

• I regret buying a house that was too large for our income. The financial stress is suffocating me.

I feel the pressure all of the time.

• If I could change anything, I would have been a nicer person to live with. I regret being so harsh

and mean to my wife and kids.

• I regret hitting my wife.

• I wish I had not had an affair and betrayed my wife.

• I regret straying from the church.

• It makes me sad when I think about how much my wife and I have drifted apart.

We can conclude that husbands and wives aren’t telling each other about the pain from their past. What

they can’t say is:

“I love you and want to show you how I feel. However, there’s a part of me that can’t reach out to you

because I’m holding on to merciless regrets. My emotional paralysis has nothing to do with what

you’ve done. I’m the one who must deal with the pain from my past. As you pray for me and support my

pursuit of God, I’m confident I will find peace.”

Scanning the list we realize:

That all of their regrets could be resolved using three remedies:

1. Avoid the Avoidable

2. Change the Unacceptable

3. Forgive the Unchangeable

Avoid the Avoidable:

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with

the same person. 3

The first remedy is to admit that many of the regrets were actually avoidable. In most cases, the

regretful things that were done by the men and women who responded to these questionnaires were a

product of yielding to temptation. For that reason, the individuals were wearing the “handcuffs” of

guilt.

For example, many of the couples voiced sincere remorse for a variety of ‘sexual indiscretions’ (the

politically correct jargon for the word sin). Some had guilt feelings about living together outside the

bonds of marriage. Others regretted their unfaithfulness toward their spouse. Obviously, all of these

failures could have been sidestepped by better choices.

Yet the sins were committed and the feelings of shame the people feel are very real and debilitating to

their marriages. But as devastating as these downfalls may be, there is hope for all spouses who feel

‘cuffed’ by condemnation. As grievous and horrible as our sins may be, they’re no match for the

boundless love and grace of God, through Christ.”

3 https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/248519.Mignon_McLaughlin

All Pro Pastors A Regret-Free Marriage Page 2 of 3

We feel it’s important to remind us all of what God’s word says about His willingness to forgive us:

• 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse

us from all unrighteousness.”

• Psalm 32: 5, “I said ‘I will confess my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.’ I said, ‘I

will confess my transgressions to the Lord’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”

These are just two of hundreds of verses in God’s word that speak to His willingness to forgive us. So,

if you’re struggling with guilt and can’t forgive yourself, turn to the Bible and begin a word study on

forgiveness.

Change the Unacceptable:

A perfect marriage is one in which “I’m sorry” is said just often enough. 4

Take a few minutes to look over once again the regrets revealed by the husbands and wives. As you

reread them, make a mental note of how many regrets fall under the category of ‘changeable’.

They make an excellent point. Just because you were bad at handling finances doesn’t mean you have

to stay that way. That can change. If you’ve drifted apart that doesn’t mean it has to be that way today.

You can rebuild the relationship.

Forgive the Unchangeable:

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

While changing the unacceptable may be achievable in most cases, to forgive the unchangeable is a

goal that may require more strength than a person feels they possess. Yet it can be done. Because the

events or issues that cannot be altered are often the regrets that seem to do the most damage to a

relationship, it is worth the effort to gain resolution. And sometimes, accepting the unchangeable means

accepting God’s forgiveness.

Matthew 6:9-15 Matt 6:9-15 (ASV)

9 After this manner therefore pray ye. Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so on earth. 11 Give us this day our daily

bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And bring us not

into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your

heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will

your Father forgive your trespasses.

If any of you find yourselves stuck in a place of not being able to forgive yourself or your spouse or

don’t feel anything can “change” for the positive, I recommend you seek the counsel of a neutral third

party. It can be a pastor or Christian counselor, or maybe just another couple whom you both trust and

feel they have the understanding and compassion to help you through a difficult place in your marriage.

The key here is to not let any issue or problem in your marriage just “sit there” like the proverbial

elephant in the living room—everyone knows it’s there and making a mess, but nobody does anything

to get rid of it.

We pray you’ll start today to un-harbor the regrets of your past leaning upon Christ as your guide. Do

this as a love gift to the Lord and also to each other. In doing this your marriage will bring honor to

God in every way. And as you apply yourself to this huge task, we are “confident of this, that He who

began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

4 https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/248519.Mignon_McLaughlin

All Pro Pastors A Regret-Free Marriage